Everybody experiences New Years Eve and New Years Day differently.
Some rewind wistfully across the memories of what has passed. Some revel in the excitement of endless potential for what’s to come. And some spin in the anxiety of multi-dimentional thought patterns that whip them through the emotions tied to each of those past, present, and future possibilities.
When you remember back though your life, your experience of New Years probably changed a lot as you changed.
When you’re a child, it’s all about being allowed to stay up late, eat food and snacks that you usually don’t get to, and an abstract feeling of fun knowing there is something different about this evening.
When you’re a teenager, it’s all about friends, music, and being part of something bigger than yourself. I remember listening to the radio with my best friend writing down all the songs as they were counted down to the year’s number one. We could remember when these songs were first played, and understood this was a symbolic marking of time.
As a twenty-something, it’s all about parties and celebration. The anticipation of who you may meet and who will be by your side when the big moment arrives. All of the festivities freeze the moment the clock begins counting down…. 10, 9, 8…..
In your thirties, it begins being about looking back a bit on what has transpired over the year. You are still reveling in what is to come. But now you also have an appreciation for what you have accomplished, and maybe some regrets about what you did not.
In your forties, you look back even more, realizing how fast time passes by. Maybe you look at your children or pets, realizing they will never be this young again. Maybe you look at your parents, realizing they will never be this young again. And maybe you look at yourself, realizing you will never be this young again.
Time has a way of never pausing, even when you wish it would so you could just catch your breath for a minute. If you could just capture this moment in time, so you’d never forget. The way your children need you. The way you still need your own parents even though you are an adult yourself now. The look in your pet’s eyes when they cock their little head as you say their name, realizing you are their everything and how much they need you.
If you could just keep some of those snapshot moments in time, to pull out and re-experience from time to time. Because you begin realizing that there will be a day someday when they will be but a memory, and you don’t want to chance that memory ever fading.
Change is good. Change is possibility. Change is bad. Change is endings. Change is unknown. Change is scary. Change is uncomfortable. Change is uncontrollable. Change is never ending.
And New Years is all about change.
To most, the change of the New Year is focused on the excitement of possibility. But to those with anxiety, the change of New Years focuses more on the uncomfortable realization that all that you know will never be this way again.
As that clock ticks down….. 7, 6, 5…… know that people with anxiety are willing time to stop. Willing their parents not to age another day. Willing their children and pets not to age another minute. Willing the universe itself to just please stop, so it can stay like this just a little more.
When you see someone with anxiety doing something, anything, it shows success in their ability to accept the present, make a decision and move forward. That’s the easy part.
It’s when they are silent that all the internal action is taking place. Especially as they are faced with the infinite possibilities of a new year.
For every potential they have mapped out each possible reaction they would have to it. For each reaction, they have mapped out each corresponding action they would need to take. For each action, they have mapped out how that will affect not only themselves, but also every other person it touches. For each effect, they then map out the consequence for each of those involved. And only then can they move on to the step of weighing each possible consequence, to work backwards into which initial reaction and action they should choose.
Sound exhausting? Try living it every day, for every situation you are faced with. And now think about a holiday based around it.
Family and friends of those with anxiety probably think it feels draining at times to listen to them ask for input in processing some of those emotions and making some of those decisions. All I can say is, please be gentle in your reactions to them, because I am quite sure they are shielding you from the majority of their mind’s inner workings, and only opening up to those they trust the most for only the few issues that might help to talk through out loud.
So as you hear the booming 4, 3, 2……. think about what you would freeze in time at that moment. And take that mental memory shot to hold with you forever.
But also make a resolution to make the most of that very thing in the now.
Figure out what you would regret, and then do what needs to be done to erase the chance for those regrets.
Carpe every Diem. Hug your mom and dad. Kiss your spouse, children and pets. Let everyone know right now how you feel about them. Say “I love you” before you say good-bye every time.
And try not to be afraid of getting to 1………………..