How many of us think about what it’s like to be somebody else?
I don’t mean someone famous, or rich, or beautiful…… I mean someone who has it worse off than yourself.
Because no matter what issue any of us is dealing with at any given moment, there is always someone who is dealing with something more difficult.
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I’m thinking about this today because last week I broke out into a crazy weird rash. I couldn’t think of anything different in my environment that could have been the cause. The dermatologist could not identify it’s nature or origin….. yet there it was.
Now, of course, as Murphy’s Law would have it, the days that followed would become a heat wave where every sane person wore shorts and t-shirts to keep themselves as cool as possible. I, on the other hand, while outside the safety of my house, was dressed in long pants and long sleeves to protect my uncomfortable skin from the glare of the sun. And if I’m to be completely honest, from my fear of the judging eyes of anyone who might notice it.
As luck would have it, I also had two events to attend during this weekend heatwave, so my odd clothing choice was center stage for all to see.
In reality, maybe no one gave me a second glance or a second thought. But in my own mind, which let’s face it, is what often gets misconstrued as reality, everyone was looking, noticing, wondering, talking about it, laughing, and of course judging.
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I think of myself as a very empathetic person. Aware of what others are feeling to the extent of being able to feel it myself. In fact, there are times that I pick up on others’ emotions so much that it becomes mentally exhausting, leaving it preferable to stay home in the peacefulness of solitude.
There are times when it is overtly obvious what another human being is dealing with. Maybe it shows itself in a physical difference, an expression on their face, or a tone in their voice.
Sometimes it may be those same things, only at a much subtler level. A minimally perceivable level that, to many, goes undetected. Perceptible only by others who are calm enough to be aware of understated energies outside of their own.
Sometimes the trials of others are so well hidden that no one interacting with them would even know.
Maybe they are even misunderstood and mistaken for something else. The stressed person who is misinterpreted as impatient, angry, or rude. The sad person who is misread as disinterested, unfriendly, or uncaring. The worried person who is misconceived as unmotivated, agitated, or even antisocial.
Or maybe they are covered up to the extreme of overcompensation. The emotionally distressed person who puts all their energy into smiling and laughing in public, so no one will poke or prod into their fragile inner world.
When we know that someone else is in pain, most of us default into another gear. A gear that increases our patience, allows them a little extra leeway, and extends the courtesy of a friendly smile or a helping hand.
But when someone’s struggle is hidden, there is always the chance that, in being overly-focused on our own inner world, we miss an opportunity to help alleviate their difficult moment. Or even worse, add to its weight by reacting negatively to what we have confused it for.
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For me, this crazy weird rash was a good reminder. A reminder to default to conclusions of understanding and sympathy when we find ourselves face to face with something or someone we don’t quite understand.
I think maybe the key is to be ever-aware that anyone and everyone you interact with on any given day may very well be carrying a burden that you can not detect.
With that in mind, how wonderful it would be if we could all engage an automatic default to kindness. A setting that gives everyone we encounter the benefit of the doubt that there may be more to the picture that deserves a kinder gentler response.
It’s amazing how sometimes, if we respond to another human being with tolerance, thoughtfulness, and tact, we can actually see their demeanor soften in front of our eyes.
But even if we don’t have the opportunity to openly see it, we have changed the energy of the interaction, and therefore, the energy around that person. That change will positively impact them, even if we never know it.
Maybe everyone should have a crazy weird rash at least once in their life to recalibrate their empathy sensor…..
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(photo credit: huiles-essentielles-aromatherapie.eu/soigner-urticaire-demangeaisons)