Daddy-isms: My Favorite 15 for Father’s Day

     Father’s Day is this Sunday.  A day meant to slow us down a bit so we can take time to think about how thankful we are to have our dads in our lives.  Fortunately for me, I don’t have to think too hard since my dad often reminds us of all the things we should be grateful for about him.  Even when he doesn’t realize it though, I have taken in and remembered many of the lessons he has taught me throughout life.  I like to call them “Daddy-isms”.

 Here are some of my favorite Daddy-isms:

     1) Practice speaking up, even if your voice shakes.

As a shy kid, I had a lot I wanted to say and do, but not always the courage to say and do them. Dad would tell me to practice at home in front of the people I felt comfortable with.

I would write out what I planned say on a phone call and then stand up and read it while holding the phone, before I actually made the calls.  We would do dry runs of reading school reports out loud, and responses to questions I anticipated but worried about.  I would still be nervous, but a little less each time, and the muscle memory helped me get through it once it was go time.

     2) Write down your goals.

Dad would tell my brother and I that we could accomplish anything, as long as we had goals.  Just wanting something isn’t enough, you need to make a plan.  I remember him telling us, around the dinner table one night, how to accomplish this.  Write down what you want, but in the form of already having it, and look at it every day.

For example, I could write down the long-term goal  “I have a successful holistic dog healing business” on an index card.  Now keep that card with you or put it somewhere you will see at the beginning of each day. On the back, write a few main steps required to get you there. For me it could be short term goals of:  “choose areas of focus for dog business, write descriptions for each area, use descriptions to create website, add pictures to the site, and then market website”.   He explained that the act of writing your goals makes you more committed to them.

     3) Be organized.

There is a lot to get done every week, heck, every day.  It’s easy to get side tracked and forget things.  Dad would tell us,  if you really want to get things done, make a “to-do” list. 

Both at home and work, I have found “to-do” lists really do help.  Check things off or draw a line through them as you complete each task.  It’s a nice pat on the back at the end of a day to have concrete proof of all you accomplished.

     4) Don’t put things off.

Every “to-do” list can be categorized by what is most important to get done, what will be easy, and what you know is necessary but  aren’t looking forward to.  It’s easy to keep putting the dreaded things down at the bottom of the list where they often get pushed to tomorrow’s list.  Unfortunately, this just keeps that hovering feeling of apprehension following you so that you keep repeatedly experiencing it. 

Just get the things you don’t want to do over with right away.  It will feel great to have that weight lifted off of you so that the rest of your day ahead can seem like a breeze.

     5) Plan ahead.

The unknown can be daunting.  Think of first days of school or going to a job interview.  Dad would tell us to work out the kinks ahead of time so that game day can run more smoothly.

Sometimes we would talk through it.  “Ok, when you first get off the bus at school you are going to look for the biggest door where all the other kids are going inside.  Next you will look for room #4.”  It worked, because instead of being overwhelmed and feeling frozen with anxiety, we would already know what steps to follow.

Sometimes we would physically walk through the place the day before.  I still do this as an adult, and it helps.  I had to take a proctored exam in a building I’d never been to before.  I knew I would be nervous about the test material, so I wanted to lessen my nerves on the details, like how to get there.  I went the day before, and it was a good thing because it was a confusing building to navigate.  I knew I had just given myself extra calm for test day by taking the time to plan ahead.

     6) Be accountable.

Around the dinner table my dad would ask us all about our day.  Who doesn’t like talking about themselves to people they are comfortable with?  But that also gave him the run-down on what responsibilities we had coming up. He’d ask if we finished that homework, studied for the test.  Later on he’d ask what grade we got on that test.  Knowing ahead of time that we would be asked these things motivated us to get the things done, and do our best on them, so we could feel good when we answered. 

Every report card day was an event, rewarded with a trip to Friendly’s for ice cream – and what could be more rewarding than chocolate ice cream with hot fudge and sprinkles?  Later in life when some kids were still trying to figure out how to buckle down for success, it was already an ingrained behavior for my brother and I, so was a smooth transition.

     7) Gamify life.

My dad was one to always keep things fun (while mom got stuck with enforcing the rules, which we only appreciated later on in life).  When there were chores we didn’t want to do, he would make a game out of it so they wouldn’t seem so bad. 

I still remember one Saturday morning when we had three loads of laundry to fold on a sunny day that was beckoning us to come out and play in it.  Angst turned to laughter when his “Folding Olympics” brought out the competitor in us as we each strived to finish the quickest with the neatest pile.  Bragging rights are a powerful thing.

     8) Laughter keeps life interesting.

Life ebbs and flows with its high and low points, there’s no escaping that.  But if you can make someone laugh, it makes both of you feel brighter.  Two people bonding over a common goal of laughter reaches an even higher level of satisfaction.

Building on that, I’ve experienced that pranks can make your father and brother laugh, though scare the heck out of you.  Fortunately the passing of time would allow me to eventually get my laugh out of the experiences later on.  And then there’s the patient jokes, the ones that randomly re-occur over time. These would be the ones where your dad keeps the most embarrassing picture of you ever taken, only to keep giving you enlarged copies of it every once in a while out of the blue, just to keep you humble.

     9) Know when to be serious and when to have fun. 

We have all been around people who keep chatting about their own gossip when someone else is trying to speak.  We’ve probably also been with people who are so wound up in the minutia of their lives that they can’t allow their minds to rest even on a day off. 

I think my dad did a good job of modeling the ability to read a situation and achieve balance.  In turn, we’ve grown up to be polite and respectful adults who also understand the value of relaxing.  The thought of Dad with salt water wavy hair because “you don’t have to brush your hair when you’re on vacation” still makes me smile.

      10) It’s all in what you can pull off.

Does this sound familiar?   Female comes downstairs before going out asking “does this look ok?”  I did this many times as a teenager.  It was usually because I was trying a new style I had seen other people wear, and was excited to emulate, only to wonder if people would think it was cool or laugh at me behind my back.  Dad gave interesting advice that stuck with me even as an adult.  “It’s all in what you can pull off.”

He was right.  A confident person can walk into a room in feet pajamas and start a new trend.  It’s all in the energy of how YOU feel about YOURSELF.  You could look fabulous, but be completely self-conscious, and have a terrible time because you spend it all in your head worrying.  You could wear the absolute worst thing, but think you’re “IT” tonight, and have a great time because you FELT great.  There’s no right or wrong, looks good or bad.  It’s all in how YOU feel about yourself when you’re in it.

      11) Never trust a boy you meet on vacation.

Every summer we spent a week at Hampton Beach.  It would inevitably be the best week of the entire year.  Everything is better when you’re on vacation.  The food tastes better.  The hot sun feels better.  The cold water feels better.  And the boys look cuter. 

This would usually give my poor dad heart pain having to listen to how nice a boy was when he came over to talk to me.  Without bursting my summer crush bubble, he tried to explain to me that males didn’t always act like themselves away from home.  He said boys are a bit more honest when they know they will have to face you (and maybe your parents) again.  His guide was to stick to people in your own zip code.

     12)  Always buy the second round.

Always the pragmatist, my dad also had suggestions for spending money when out with your buddies.  (I’m sure some of it stemmed from the fact that I always conveniently forgot my wallet anytime I went out to eat with my parents, and he didn’t think this would necessarily go over well later in life with other folks.) 

His suggestion was that you still look like a generous friend, but save money, if you buy the second round of drinks.  Everyone wants a cocktail to start off when you first get somewhere, so the person buying first round has to pay for everyone.  By the third round, everyone is buzzed enough to want to keep the merriment flowing, so another expensive gesture.  But the second round, he’d say, is the sweet spot.  That’s when some people aren’t quite ready yet for their next one, but still sober enough to make the conscious decision to wait.   You get credit for being nice, while still keeping some of your hard earned cash in your pocket.

      13) You can have fun while still staying safe.

Even memories of favorite times with friends have had my dad playing a supporting role.  For the annual town 4th of July carnival and fireworks, in the background of my own happenings would be my dad camped out people watching for a few hours so his kids could have fun with their friends. 

He took my friend and I to our first rock concert to see Journey.  Once I was old enough to go into concerts alone, but not old enough to drive there, dad would still bring us.  He would have dinner and watch a game somewhere nearby, and then meet up with us at the end to go home.  It was win-win since he also had the peace of mind knowing where we were and that we were safe.

       14) If it helps you make the right decision, blame it on your dad.

My dad realized that it’s not always easy to confront peer pressure.  And that makes it not always so easy to choose to do what is the right thing for yourself in some social situations.  He always told me, no matter what the situation, I could always remove myself from it by saying “I can’t because my dad……(fill in the blank)”.  Maybe it was that my dad would be here soon to get me, or I have to get home now for a curfew, or that my parents were strict and it wasn’t worth getting in trouble with them.  He didn’t care if he looked like the bad guy, if it helped me not do something I didn’t feel comfortable doing. 

Ironically, just knowing I had that as a Plan B usually gave me the courage to say “no” to things on my own, if I didn’t want to do it.  It helped me practice standing up for myself though, knowing that my parents would back me up if it didn’t work out as planned.  I guess it’s always easier to be brave out in the world when you know you aren’t alone in it.

      15) Memories are better than things.

There isn’t an endless supply on money in the world, and so we have to prioritize what we spend it on.  For some, it’s having a new outfit every week or the newest tech gadget as soon as it comes out.  For us,  dad always made sure we went on a fun family vacation every year. 

I already told you how much we looked forward to our Hampton Beach week each summer.  There were also years when we got to take an extra winter vacation as a special treat.  We were lucky enough to experience Disney World, the Grand Canyon,  Hollywood Walk of Fame, and Cancun just to name a few.   To this day, I can’t tell you how many times I smile and start a sentence with “Remember the time…….”  

When I look back on the picture of my life so far, what colors it in are the memories of fun times we’ve spent together as a family.  I could live without most material things.  But I can’t imagine living without all those special memories that ultimately made me who I am.